2 the PAIN : Death Poetry

2 THE PAIN

The pain of BIRTH

In pain, horrific gut wrenching pain I write

This morning I could not walk, move with out pain

Thinking I may never walk again

Dragging myself with my arms to walk barely upright

With no sleep from pain, I force myself to write

What is written by hand not in my hand

But by an all powerful hand

With no power of my own, but given power

a heavy laden back, an injury that is afflicting me sorely

One I have carried alone too long,

Alone, with no earthly hero,

To carry me, but my God

Who now blesses me for service with pain

with no pay or notice

In any earthly realm-

I can see, that I know

But only know the promise and I hear the promise!

I will not cry in pain, I am screaming as a woman giving birth

The intolerable pain reminded me of the luxury of just standing up, walking

And taking for granted the luxury of health, we all too often abuse

Yes, I cried in pain in a loud voice

NOT NOW LORD, have I displeased you God?

Have I not served you in some way, or penned some error of judgment?

Did I not Lord, give you as you asked of me

Penances, sacrifices and I have given you my life in service

Do, you God forsake me? And give me pain

For fasting?

In my pain

I am reminded of soldiers maimed & wounded

Bleeding, crying in agony to their nations

Losing their limbs. Function- life over war

And I am reminded of the war of an aging body, disease

Now, as I force myself to write I wonder

Can I drag myself up again?

and will I ever give birth, as promised

Of Gods promise, to me to deliver his people in verse

And I am reminded as I do

remember

does anyone ever care until they feel pain?

Pain can be the great redeemer of a soul

Its gift ~is~

compassion, sympathy - empathy

For the less fortunate, if you are pain free

You feel nothing for those whom feel it every day

Physically and emotionally

Two mornings January 10^th & the eleventh day of two thousand and eight pangs of birth

Of a new Nation, feeling great agony

This nation not of one people, of all people

A birth of a child, not of flesh or blood

But of spirit-

Not for one country but for all countries-

Not for one color but all colors

Not for my vain purpose or any mans

And certainly for no vain woman of selfishness

Will I or do I serve

But for one great purpose, beyond humans

To serve in pain, is no luxury

Feeling I am in a dry desert deserted, hidden

Pain that may weaken my body, but never again=my spirit

Only a wonderment, of deep humility- sustains me

Knowing, accepting my pain again is deep chastisement

Sacrificing more and more for a higher purpose

Not my own, never in vain glory

Do I pen words, feeling forever deep humility

Knowing my back that feels crushed from the weight of the world

Hurts,

eels pain to remind me of

HUMILITY

Wondering if the pain will kill me,

And wondering if I will live long enough to see

The nation rise, in some ways praying to die

To relieve pain, but knowing if I die

Nothing will ever be- my death is death to the world

Because it is the death of God power

And if God is given not his power

This earth will be destroyed

If I do not give birth

My child the Nile of life

The tree of all trees

My seeds planted growing in

The spirit

The strange wonderful thing about PAIN

physical pain is easier forgotten, than mental injury

It may seem a strange reward for fasting 41-42 days

Being a soldier of the great war

Of good against evil

Experience reminds me it is par for the course

In past I have starved myself to delusions

Knowing the war of spirit, mind and body

Demons who will wage the war of hell, in our carnal minds

When I fast, it always causes pain

And every plot, of evil is sent against me

Too many times I relinquished in weakness-

And

I, knowing it does cause sleep deprivation

Making a mind crazy!

Experience has taught me to fast wisely

Knowing my physical limitations

I have learned to pace myself

In GREAT birth

a woman of the rubies of virtue

sacrifices in great agony

To feed the hungry in spirit

If I had not starved myself in the past in fasting

Would, I have ever known the pain of hunger?

It will make you do crazy things

Like run outside naked-

To be baptized in clean ion water

Seeing a war beyond a wars

Praying and praying my hands are clean enough

To write-his words, not my own

Feeling always unworthy!

I am physically weakened by my fast

But my spirit feels strong

But has God again forsaken me?

To not deliver my child

To a world who refuses to receive it?

Giving mere mortals free choice who choose war

For power

Seeing others again, steal for power my pain

Thinking they are wise, chosen

When they mere mortals pawns in his game

Knowing I appear some queen when I

The greatest pawn of a chess game,

Not my own

Yet, if I had not served, fasted and labored

I would have no charity in my heart

If my belly was always full and my credits large

I would have no humility

If I wasn’t starved, I wouldn’t know

THE MEAN HUNGER OF PAIN

Not eating has never been hard for me

Seeing the swollen bellies of starving children

It’s easier to fast by choice?

Dieting to me is the easiest fast

I can see, feel why hunger can drive

A person to kill, knowing its pain

But

My fasts never feed the starving children

Because the world seeks to steal my grail

And I did not want to show the world my pain this day

I wrote pretty words, for 2 days

Vowing to show no weakness

But feeling such anguish

Humbly I

am forced to reveal it

To spread my heavy laden on overload

Among others who’s cabinets are filled brim

And I ask you, whom think you are worthy

To drink of my cup

It’s pain harder to endure than mere death

I will endure no more pain for the wickedness of others

I vow my Lord, your God

Will avenge my purpose

And I will pour my vial

Of legions of Angels

Carrying a plague of death

To the unrighteous who seek to destroy

HIS purpose, for their vain glory!

This day, I send my pain to crush the Adders back

And the tables will turn this day!

Ezekiel 25:17