Its hard sometimes to look within your own mind. To dig into places of my cranium left untouched for many years. As a writer I find I have emotions that are easily touched, often displayed and super sensitive to the joys and misery that others go through.
Like an antenna I receive all of the feelings from all over the world. The feelings of grief, the feelings of happiness, the feelings of losing someone you love. To those who write with such emotion the gift is understood. To those who cant feel what we feel it becomes very hard to contemplate or accept.
I write this piece so that you might understand me better. Not the writer, not the man, but the child of God who is in touch with all his brothers and sisters. No I'm not Jesus, nor some religious nut, I'm just like you and everyone else but more opened up and tuned into what really matters.
When I was a child I looked to the heavens above as if it were my home. Was I put here? Was I left behind? These feelings are built into me and to this day my heart yearns for my home in the stars. Even my Mom new something about me was different, she just didn't know what. I feel my parents are not my parents but more like guardians and care takers. I love my parents, they are wonderful, but that gut instinct points upwards towards my true home and family.
My true home is in the heavens and the reason for me to be here is unknown. I still raise my hands to the heavens on a star lit not and ask that one question that is engraved into my soul, "Why did you leave me here"?
When I had children that filled such an empty void. I finally felt as if part of my purpose was complete. I was satisfied and elated as my children are so dear to me. I was there when each of them were born and I cried with everyone of them. To this day those memories are fresh and alive in my mind and the gift of having children has got to be one of the greatest gifts that can happen to anyone. I am blessed for sure but in more ways then anyone can imagine.
I talk to the heavens, I call to whom ever will listen, with hands raised high I wait for their messages. They answer me but not in words as most people would expect. Somehow I am touched, fed emotions and feelings, and in ways that is still a mystery to me. They tell me to spread the word of kindness, faith and hope. I do even though I am not a follower of God or a promoter of the church. I often battle on the beliefs I have within my own psyche.
I think the worlds interpretation of God is to make him more in the image of mankind and for me that is the greatest conflict of all. He's nothing like us nor is he always watching over us. Yes he checks up on us from time to time but he let us have free will and to make our own destiny. If he is watching us now I could imagine he would be crying. With many people who take what he has created for granted. Cutting down the trees, killing whales, polluting the skies and rivers, corruption, lies, killing, and the lists goes on. Can you imagine what he thinks about this little project called, "Man Kind".
I can as I do it everyday and see the negatives growing while the positives of life are falling fast. Yes their are many good people in the world but take a look around with your eyes wide open and really see for the first time. Use all your senses and try to become one with the planet. When you finally can do this then and only then will you know what it is to be thankful for your opportunity to make a difference.
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Some of you may think I'm crazy but then again some also thought Einstein was retarded. I think the point to my write other then the shear rambling about myself is to accept those feelings and listen to that little voice in your head. It's ok not to be programmed to fit a pattern that society puts us into. It's ok to believe what your instincts are telling you.
Thanks for taking the time to read this piece and please comment on it in any way or fashion that you see fit.
Jesse
Originally Posted On Site: 2009-02-15 03:25:57
Last Login: 05.05.12
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