Two For The Road
By Paul McCann
Skate and Dags – Two Truckies
Dags and Skate are two owner drivers of rigs much too big and costly to keep on the road . They’re doing their best to keep a sense of humour with the way of life they lead . It’s a hard station for people like Skate and Dags .
The catch up now and then in some all night diner or a pub outback someplace . All over Australia people like Skate and Dags are keeping the wheels of the country turning . Night and day without much rest .
Sleeping on the side of the road and showering in diners and rest spots or taking a dip in a creek when ever they get the chance .
This sketch revolves around the two truckies meeting up and having a few drinks while their trucks are being loaded .
The accumulation of long hours, thousands of miles often show up the character of these men who are made up of sweat and dust and blood and guts . A few before they’re on their way .
In an outback pub a friendly atmosphere provides home away from home .
Generally speaking most of the conversation revolves around sharing a joke or defusing in order to bring alive something other that work .
Setting .
The scene starts in a factory where they have a few drinks before deciding to get into a car and drive to the pub nearby basically because someone is there they want to stay clear of . An in law by the name of pie face .
So the two truckies head for the local while they’re being loaded up .
Action Begins –
Dags and Skate take a few cans from the factory fridge in the canteen as sit down for a chin wag .
Dialogue begins
Skate – “Hey Dags get that one in to you mate .”
Dags- “No worries Skate .“
Skate- “What’s the go .“
Dags- “Hang on Skate , he sees you .
Skate- “Who .“
Dags ” Its that brother in law of yours . “
Skate -“That’s just typical , every time I sit down .“
Dags - (Sniggers) Skate tell him where to go .
Skate “Its not funny ?”
Dags -“You should see his face . He loves those runny meat pies and mate his chin is covered in gravy .“
Skate –“Yeah , I’ll tell you what that’s not gravy , that’s bullshit mate .“
Dags –“ You’re so right .“
Skate “ I’m not going to put up with that ./“
Dags –“ Put up with what ?“
Skate –“With him watching me kill a few cold ones. Cone on lets go round to the local . I’ll borrow the bosses ute . Come on Dags hurry up before he sits down .“
They walk off and drive off in the ute
Dags –“ Nice one Skate “
Skate –“I’m telling you he actually thinks he’s the boss around here but I know better . I married his sister and he’s the one at the sink while his missus has her feet up in front of the TV mate . .“ (Ha Ha )
(Talking another swig from the can in his hand
Dags –“ Who washes up at your place Skate “?“
Skate -“Well I do but that’s beside the point .“ (Ha Ha )
Dags –“Yea Skate I’m the same mate and you know what else , I can make a bed like a whore too .“ .“ (Ha Ha )
Skate -“Tell you what Dags I got so sick of the housework I had to take up driving trucks .”
Dags- “I’m the same . Its better hours .“
Skate“ That’s no excuse to be anti social so lets have a few for the road .
What are you drinking ?”
Dags -“ If you’re buying I’ll have a beer as cold as ice “
Skate (To the bartender ) I’ll have two tinnies mate , cold in the hand for the blisters and cheap as you can for the pocket .“
Dags “Hey mate if you were a woman I give you a cuddle .“
Skate “ Shut up Dags and don’t let it touch the sides ok .“
Dags-“Nice one Skate .”
Skate -“Tell you my brother in law has a problem about visiting me .“
Dags-“What that Skate .“
Skate –“The problem he does know when to make a departure and he comes over far too often for my liking .”
Dags -“Isn’t that what families are suppose to do ”.
Skate-“Don’t get me wrong Dags . I’ve nothing against families its just him and his runny pies that stick to his chin and he never has a proper shave .”
Dags -“I have the same problem with my missus Skate .”
Skate -“ So do I but I’ll tell her to have a shave Dags , I’m giving you the drum , he’s got hygiene issues there .“
Dags –“Why is it so .“
Skate –“ Its all about stink . “
Dags -“ That’s a bit low Skate . “
Skate . –“OK see the thing is he likes his own stink . “
Dags -” Right then so is he coming to the union picnic day next week .”
Skate -”Yeah mate and if he’s cooking I’m not coming. “
Dags “ Whys that “
Skate “ Last year I saw him drop the snags on the ground and you should have seen him trying to catch that stray dog who run off with the string of snags in its mouth .“ (Ha Ha)
Dags “I’ll bet that never happened . ”
Skate ”Don’t say a word mate but I trained that dog and guess who got the sausages later on in the day . “(Ha Ha )
Dags ”I hear you . Listen talking about dogs Skate , my brother Davo has a dog going around tonight at the track . Its in race three coming out of out box 2 . Georgie Girl ,she’s one of the best dogs in the country at the minute . Mums the word . You should get five to one . :
.
Skate –“ What track is she running ? .
Dags ” Wenty Park Mate .“
Skate “Go little georgie girl ” .
Dags –“Davo reckons she got it in the bag .“
Skate “Thanks mate . I’ll put something on the nose .“
Dags -“ If she wins , put something on the plate at church on Sunday .“
Skate –“ (Laughs) No worries .“
Dags – “Time for another cold one ?.“
Skate -“ No worries . Make it a quick one , we’ll take it with us eh ?”
Dags -“(Slurping with a mouth full ) Don’t you love it Skate ?”
Skate – ”What’s that Dags ?”
Dags – “A few cold ones with a good mate .“
Skate ”Yeah Dags I like the cold ones but I don’t have any good mates ”
Dags – ”Are you still smoking ?”
Skate ”Nah Dags . I gave them away . Didn’t think I could live without them you know “
Dags “I’m the same . Never though I would get through the day .“
Skate ” So did you get on to Patches ”
Dags ” I had one on every arm and leg Skate ”
Skate “So do you think they did the trick .“
Dags –“I think it was a combination of that with some pre-hypnotic suggestions that my wife record on a cassette tape . “
Skate –“Ok , lets go and chase up pie face . He’ll be wondering where we are and who took his ute .“ .
Dags –“So do you think he’ll have you loaded up yet Skate .“
Skate –“Doesn’t worry me mate I’m having a break before I get get back at the wheel .”
Dags “I’m the same but still I hope he’s got me loaded up anyway . I want to have a kip in the truck and don’t need any disturbance around the truck .”
Skate - “I hear you . Have you seen my truck lately ? :”
Dags “Yeah , like mine its covered in dust . One of these days I’m going to give it a wash . So where are you headed next ?”
Skate “ After this load I’m heading South . “
Dags -“ See you next time around Skate .“
Skate ” Right then lets get back to pie face . “
Dags –““I guess we better ”.
Skate ‘I’m thinking of taking a stick of dynamite to the truck if things get any worse mate .”
Dags ’I hear you , come on ,time to hit the road .“
The End
By Dr Write
Originally Posted On Site: 2010-11-09 20:42:57
Last Login: 05.22.12
Visits as of 12-12-07: 103
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