I play dress up because I’m afraid to be myself.
I play dress up because I’m afraid of being a disappointment.
I play dress up to hide behind myself.
I play dress up because I’m uncomfortable in my own skin.
I play dress up because it’s easy to transform into an enigma.
I play dress up so I can pick my next alibi…
I am so unhappy. I admire so many and cry so often- stuck between nowhere and forever.
I feel so ugly, like some disease-ridden clown, manipulating my makeup into a rainbow of personalities.
I am so lost. I have forgotten my way. I have so many things about me that I love, and double that I hate.
I play dress up to blend, to forget myself and fade into the wallpaper.
I play dress up because I’m afraid of reprimand and rejection, of judgment and ridicule.
I play dress up because, maybe, just maybe, I may find Lyric, under the layers and layers
of pinks and yellows,
and bronze earth tones, and other sweet and subtle harmonies that I mix.
I brush sadness off my face, and I pencil in enough confidence to stand up on this stage,
BECAUSE IT IS NOT ME.
I shadow my eyes and color my skin other unusual shades to diminish what I was born with,
BECAUSE I’M ASHAMED OF WHO I AM.
I hide behind these colors that clog my pores and give me another name.
- and that name is whatever I feel like basking in at that particular moment.
I play dress up to change me, because I hate me.
I seem happy but it’s painted. Underneath, once my face is a blank slate,
once the soap and water, and proactive, and whatever else I cake on me, is off,
I’m standing there watching my personas wash away, down the drain, into some forbidden no place.
I step out of the shower, and back into self-loathing, and self-consciousness-shy and quiet
like a retired violet.
So I’ll just wait until tomorrow when I stand in front of my mirror and paint another person.
I play dress up to find me, and if that’s impossible, to create myself, with a flick of my wrist,
and stroke of my brush.
Originally Posted On Site: 2009-06-21 11:20:51
Last Login: 08.27.09
Visits as of 12-12-07: 180
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